Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ahh, to be content in life...

Spring is here. Snow is gone. Bugs showed up :( I love my life.

I love nothing more in a warm day than to go in the field and stick my nose into a warm horse neck and breath. Have the horse hug me with his head to his chest. To sigh and make horse noises as I brush the winter's worth of extra hair off. This is all I need. The reason why I hammer out 20 gallon ice chunks in the middle of winter. Why I wade through snow up to my knees in the pasture. My boys. Sigh. Life is so good.

According to the thermometer on the sunny side of the house it's 90 degrees. On the shady side of the house it's 76 degrees. I'm sitting in front of a fan, sweat rolling down my face, neck and back. I should be outside setting up the pool. Cleaning the barn. Doing many other house and horse chores, and, instead, I'm dying. Having a hot flash. Ohy, vey.

So, sitting in the cool living room, listening to the great swine flu epidemic on msnbc, I'm typing on the computer, drinking some cool ice tea, trying to calm my inner thermometer down. I'm going to tell you about the person, the time in my life, where I became so enamored, fell in love with, opened my passion for horses.

I was young - to the best of my memory, I was between 10 and 12. My cousin, Kxx, who wintered Aspey here with me, lived just down the road, across the river from me. She had two horses. A black mare and a wonderful chestnut gelding named Kye. I loved that gelding. He was so wonderful. I could go out in the pasture, climb on his back, lay on my back and stare up at the sky (for hours it seemed) and he would just quietly graze along and let me lay on his back. I learned to ride on that horse. I won my first ribbons (my only ribbons) on that wonderful gelding. I watched Kxx win jumping contests, bareback, on that gelding.

One day, we were told, in a group I had joined, to close our eyes and search our memories for a time when we felt most loved, most secure and remember that memory. This is my memory....

I was on Kye's back, with Kxx, and we were riding bareback. We were just going for a ride. I was sitting on Kye's warm back, my back against Kxx's stomach, her legs behind mine. I had my hands in his mane, Kxx had the reins. We were cantering along the lawn and then, on the spur of the moment, with both of us urging him on, we flew across the gulch between the lawn and the pasture.

I can close my eyes and still feel, still remember the warmth of the horse, my cousin. I can remember the strength between my legs as the horse bunched himself and launched over the gap. I can still feel the wind on my face, the smell of a warm summer day, my cousins arms around me and the calm, power and strength of Kye.

I hear the hoof beats, the quiet of soaring through the air, the feeling of flying. The thrill, the graceful flight. I remember when we landed and galloped on, both of us laughing, Kye tossing his head, bounding across the pasture.

Ever since that day, that moment, I made myself a promise that I would find a horse like him and he would be mine, all mine. Heart, body and soul.

I have lived that dream. First with Shiloh. Then with my beloved Aba. Now with Buddy. Beginning my love with Elias. Always, Smokey. Abner is coming back around. My boys. My freedom, my wings. The power to walk for hours with a body and condition that limits me. Unconditional love, complete trust, soul companions.

I guess that is why it bothers me so much when people just assume that animals are dumb, they have no soul, they have no feelings. These 'stupid, dumb' animals have more empathy, compassion and love than most people I know. Even abused, these animals trust. Love.

Look in the eyes of a horse, listen to him settle in for the night, in a stall with water, hay, grain and clean shavings. Hear the contentment, hear the trust. Feel the gentle giants and listen to their hearts.

I am truly blessed to share my life with these simple, complex, graceful beings.

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